When I was young, I belonged, wholeheartedly, to the Christian church. I felt, to my core, that the church would tell me the right way— the only way— to live, and that I would follow that to a T. Make God proud, and make it into heaven.
When I was in high school, I was adamantly against abortion. At age 15 and 16, I found myself arguing with my classmates and friends about the legitimacy of abortion. I said it was murder. I said it was wrong. I claimed it was a reckless choice made by careless women who should have been more careful. I told people that the women who get abortions just carelessly used it as a form of birth control. If you’re not ready to live with the consequences of having sex, then don’t do it. Sure, if someone was raped, that’s another story, I said. But otherwise, women should take responsibility for their actions. It was on them.
In truth, I knew absolutely nothing about why a woman would ever choose to have an abortion. I knew nothing about pregnancy, childbirth, or even sex. I was a young girl with no first-hand knowledge, no legitimate experience with this topic and yet I had these deeply rooted, passionate feelings about abortion that I just had to share with the world. As a young woman myself, I had horrible, disgusting views of other women. I shamed them. I claimed they were solely responsible. I blamed them. Why would I do that?
The church tells you many things— one of the deepest, most fantastical of which is that your kindness, your selflessness, your joy, your worth are all dependent on how committed you are to sticking to the Bible. To avoiding sin. They instill a fear in you— if you do not follow, as closely as you can, the set of “rules” laid out for you, you will suffer. Perhaps the mature mind can reasonably refute these claims, but the young mind is so vulnerable, so susceptible. And my, is it hard to break free. I was terrified, for years, that a wrong step would land me in hell. I spent hours perseverating on this— fearing all the ways in which I could irreparably screw up and land myself a one-way ticket.
So I parroted and I pushed for things about which I knew nothing. I advocated for causes that now make me feel physically sick to my stomach. I lived in a place of guardedness and fear. A place of shame. I felt more judged during my time in the church than I ever have since. And it has taken years to begin to unravel those feelings.
But in thinking for myself, I began to realize many things about the world and about the church, and I have come to believe that these messages we are bombarded with are not accidental, nor are they coincidental. There is a method to the instillment of judgment and fear— it is, at its core, about superiority and about control. Power and control.
The church has an unwavering ability to convince others that it is a source of love and light while it singlehandedly acts as judge, jury, and executioner of those deemed “unworthy”. It is the most judgmental institution, shrouded in a lie of holiness. It claims to protect. To uplift. To serve. But the reality is that it tears many down so it can be the decider. The judge, the jury, and the executioner. The people who lead the church feel they have the right to tell others of their sins— to hold up the Bible to the light and tell us all of the ways in which we have done wrong to ourselves and to God— while conveniently forgetting their own lack of perfection. Their own wrong. Their own judgment. Because the judge does not judge himself, nor does the executioner execute himself. They are, conveniently, above it all. Untouchable.
And therein lies the problem, really, with religion and its involvement in politics. Because who decides who the judge, the jury, and the executioner are? Who decides the authority? And how can we, at the basic, fundamental level, claim that the Bible gives us the answer, when the Bible gives many answers, most of which seem undesirable to both those within the church and those without? The Bible says many things, and it is allowed to say those things. But we do not live in a country founded on or reliant on the claims of the Bible. We live in a country, purportedly, founded on just the opposite. Separation of church and state. A government free of the influence of religion. And yet it is all around us, woven into the fabric of our society like a virus. A sick, sneaky little virus, perhaps at times even undetectable, yet fatal.
And those who push to overturn Roe claim legitimacy in their case. They claim their argument is logical, scientific even. Free of religious bias. But I see, as many others do, the truth. Because in truth, there is no argument against abortion that does not depend on the Bible. On religious claims. They are intertwined as deeply as one can be entwined with another. There is no possibility of separation.
The issue of abortion feels, to Mr. Judge, Mr. Jury, and Mr. Executioner, a convenient, sneaky method of weaving that fabric greater still. Of using a seemingly legitimate cause in order to more deeply entrench in our society a religious undercurrent. But do not be fooled. The pro-life movement is anything but pro-life.
They do not care about the child, struggling with their sexuality, on the brink of suicide. In fact, they will preach suppression and obedience. They will condemn. They do not care for the homeless child of struggling parents. They do not care for the bleeding, dying bodies of children in the elementary school, begging for help. They do not care for the child with cancer whose parents will never be able to afford the necessary treatment. They do not care for the children growing up alone, in foster care, with no sense of love and belonging. No, they do not care for children. They care for control and power. They care, above all, for remaining judge, jury, and executioner.
So then, what is their cause, if not to “save” the lives of the unborn, as they so claim? History will show that it is about us, the female population, the holders of the womb and the great gift of childbirth. It is a war. A war on women. It is a need to keep us contained. Subdued. Subservient. Inferior.
It is about the control they so desperately crave. A control over the untouchable, unreachable aspects of a woman. The most intimate, most personal part of her— her ability to bear life. If they can control this aspect of us, they have both gained their power and contained ours. They have found a means of reducing an entire half of the population to a dependent, weakened state. And they thrive off of it.
Alas, to the self-proclaimed judge, jury, and executioner, I say do not come to me with claims of legitimacy. Of science. Of morality. Of safety, love, or protection. Do not spew prophetic lies, claiming that your will is divine, holy, or justifiable. God has not asked for an earthly judge, nor for an earthly executioner.
You may think we will accept this lesser fate with open arms and “ladylike” grace. But this is a fallacy. A woman’s bodily autonomy is not a convenient means for your selfish, worldly desires. And we will show you just how inconvenient it is for you to attempt to use us as a pawn in your power-play. It is costly. Because we will fight back.
