A year ago, my life was drastically different. I was picking up the pieces of myself and my life after the shock of divorce. I was still living with my ex-husband, and I was trying to figure out how to move on with my life—how to support myself financially, what to do, where to live, but most of all, how to be a whole human being by myself. In complete honesty, that was the scariest part. I had never been an adult on my own, and I was terrified of the idea. I didn’t feel equipped to handle life alone, but more so than this, I didn’t want to. I liked having a person. I liked being co-dependent. I liked not having to think about who I would go out with, or to worry about dating or looking perfect all the time, and to have someone to lean on when I was presented with life challenges. The thought of doing it all alone felt overwhelming and, truly, impossible.
I never could have imagined where life would take me. In just a year, I made beautiful, lifelong friendships, navigated (fairly unsuccessfully) adult dating, and took the leap to move away from the life I had always known to start fresh at law school in Seattle, Washington. Over the past year, I have done countless things that have scared the shit out of me. I used to think that I was incapable of handling the challenging parts of life, but over this year I learned, at times painfully, that I CAN handle it. It didn’t become easier to manage things on my own, but I gained a greater confidence in myself, and with each challenge I successfully faced, I felt myself becoming stronger and more capable.
Change can feel exciting and scary and sad and beautiful all at the same time. And I think it often does, for many people—even those who love and thrive off change, but especially for those of us who are constantly fearful of it. I am in a place now that would have seemed impossible just a year ago. I have accomplished things and grown as a person in ways I never could’ve dreamed. And even if I’m still scared shitless (trust me, I am), it is quite beautiful to be able to look back and know that the girl I used to be never would have recognized the person I am now. And that is truly a blessing.
