Let’s Talk About Self-Doubt

I’d venture a guess and say all of you have experienced self-doubt before in your lives. I would also guess and say some of you experience it much more consistently and constantly than others. I fall into that group. My own self-doubt is nearly constant: it waxes and wanes, and some days are better than others, but it is always there, nagging at me, incessantly reminding me of my shortcomings and my fears. Today is one of the worse days. I woke up today feeling so negative toward myself: feeling bad about my writing, feeling hopeless about the future, feeling ashamed of putting myself out there and of the dreams I hope to pursue. And that’s the worst one, really: shame. I felt shame for the dreams and goals I have for my life and even more ashamed for feeling ashamed.

My initial instinct today was to stay far away from everyone and everything: to block it out and try to avoid it. Feeling bad made me want to disappear: from Instagram, from this blog, from the face of the earth. As I did my morning yoga I tried to shift my mindset to a more positive, confident framework. It worked… for about 20 minutes. Then the self-doubt was right back in its place, taunting me. So I took a shower, made the bed, and finally had a click. I didn’t have to feel better, but that doesn’t mean I have to avoid what I love like the plague. I could come on here and I could sit here and tell you honestly that today is a bad day for me. Because that’s what this blog is here for. I’m not going to jump on here only when I feel happy and confident and ready to write– because in that case, I’d probably be writing once every few months. As hard as it is to write about my struggles, it’s also freeing. And it’s nice to think that someone else may relate to the experience.

Because maybe you’re having a bad day too. Maybe you feel lonely and unjustified and shameful in your self-doubt. Maybe you woke up today and wanted to crawl back into bed and never leave, like me. Maybe you tried and tried and failed to get rid of the bad feelings only to feel worse when you couldn’t shake them. I see you. I get it.

Maybe what we all need is a reminder that it’s okay to not be okay. And maybe we also need to remember that we don’t have to feel these feelings alone. We can share and open up about these uncomfortable struggles and it can help us feel less alone. Did writing this rid me of my self-doubt? No. But I do feel freer, less ashamed, and less bad about the fact that I’m feeling bad. And I love the idea that maybe someone reading this will find solace and comfort in being understood and seen.